Anyone who has seen me in the last couple months (since starting SGN-35), will say I smile more than I have since even I can remember.. I have been getting my share of sun with the beautiful summer we've had, but its not the tan but a kind of glow from the immense happiness and appreciation for life that I carry inside me.. Hard to describe, each moment is a living reminder that you are holding something you felt escaping your grasp just a short while ago.
Konrad and I found ourselves holding our breath as the oncologist was reading results this week from the bone marrow biopsy. We've had our share of bad news the past 2 years, even when we've least expected it.. but God has blessed us time and time again, and this time the news did indeed reflect the way I feel.
The bone marrow biopsy came back NEGATIVE for lymphoma. So at this time, NED - No Evidence of Disease.
We have seen how quickly this can change, so we continue to hold our breath, but yes, we do REJOICE in the moment. Especially in the fact that this now opens new doors.. Possible cure by transplant from a donor (since my own immune system fails to recognize the lymphoma).
As often cancer treatment goes, the time to subject yourself to the hardest, most difficult procedures, is when you are feeling strongest. Difficult as this may be, as my doctor has said, 'the ball is up in the air' right now; this is the time we have to chose how to fly with it - we can do something, or nothing. We have reached a pivitol moment.
In the words of my good friend, in deciding on next steps, we often literally are left with having to 'take a leap of faith'.. So many thoughts consume me, it is not at all likely that SGN-35 will work forever. I wish it could, and perhaps the cancer is gone forever - but is it worth the risk to do a transplant to ensure it never comes back? I am slowly learning to embrace the fear of what comes next in my life, and letting my faith give me comfort and strength in moving forward.
And only time will tell. All any of us can do is pray, and hope and put our trust in God.
Otherwise things have been great at home, soaking in each moment. We have been cottaging, spending lots of time relaxing in the backyard, BBQ and last weekend we celebrated our friends daughters first birthday at the farm (picture of the three of us below).
Summer is flying by, and Karolek is slowly warming up to the idea of starting school - he starts JK in September! We signed him up for a program called 'Science Magic' once a week in our local library and he loves it (first day involved making slime, and he was so proud of his accomplishment - love how the teacher makes it so fun for 4 year olds).
Sorry for the long-winded letter, I felt I was a bit overdue and I thank you this has helped me put things in perspective.
Were back to Rochester this Friday for round 5.
As a side note, I've added my medical history at the right hand side of the blog page for quick reference. My journey with lymphoma has been somewhat complex, I appologize for being a bit technical, but its more for guests going through similar experience or collecting information - I have found this type of detail most helpful in my own research, on other blogs.
Paulina
